I think there is a common misconception when it comes to attraction, that if someone said they had a good time, that means they’re going to call. The problem with “I had a good time” is that we can feel we had a good time in lots of different situations. I’ve sat with people, strangers, having a conversation and thought that was nice, but I didn’t want to go out with them afterwards. It was just a, it was nice, and it’s also a polite thing to say at the end of a date, isn’t it? “I had a good time. That was really nice. See you soon.” You ever done that, see you soon? Audrey said that recently to someone, she called a wrong number and they went, “Okay, it’s no problem.” And she said, “All right, speak to you soon.” And put down the phone.
Leave me alone.
You said, “Speak to you soon” to a wrong number. So can we trust anything in life? Because Audrey’s the most honest person I know. I actually think there is a way to get rid of this mystery. Of course, there’s always a number of reasons someone might not call or text you. Maybe they got back with their ex three days later. You never know. Maybe they got unbelievably busy with work. Maybe they left the country and went on holiday. Who knows why things didn’t pan out? But there is one very common reason why date one doesn’t turn into date two, and that is a lack of chemistry. So you can be on a date with someone and build connection through good conversation. You can even enjoy someone’s company. That doesn’t mean that there’s chemistry. That doesn’t mean you feel that spark. And the truth is, the thing that carries most people from one date to the next is not a really nice connection.
It’s real fiery chemistry. That’s the thing that makes us go, “I must see this person again. What are you doing tomorrow?” That’s the thing. That’s the fuel. And too many of us aren’t generating that kind of fuel because we are relying too much on just nice conversation. So I wanted to give you today seven tests to know if you created enough chemistry to get you from one date to another.
Jameson, I feel like this is a bit of an old-school video. I feel like this is a back to basics, fundamentals. I felt like I could have been making this in my tiny little studio apartment we were shooting in, in the early days. Can we cut to that real quick, just show everyone? As we go through it, I’m going to dissect it and tell you what I love about it, but now we are here.
Can you make it the hula-hooping clip?
Don’t make it the hula-hooping clip.
Anyone who can do like a really good hula hoop motion that’s sexy. Jameson, you can Photoshop the hula hoop in right? I’m not just going to be humping the air.
You told me you deleted the hula-hooping clip.
Oh no, I did definitely.
Test number one. Did you touch?
Touch is one of those catalysts for attraction if we use it right. Of course, we don’t want to be constantly touching someone throughout a date, that would be uncomfortable. And of course there are areas to touch someone on a date, the inside of a leg Jameson, that would be too much. I said that like Jameson’s guilty of that all the time. A little arm graze, you laugh and you touch someone’s arm. You say, “Do you want a menu? Okay, let me grab you one.” And as you grab the menu, you just touch their arm lightly or maybe they tease you and you give them a little push. All these moments create touch. It could even be, you’re sat at a bar with someone having some food and a couple of cocktails, and then you stand up and go to the bathroom and on the way to the bathroom you sort of just shuffle past them and put your arms on their back as you shuffle past them.
And by the way, I think this is better in the direction of woman to man than man to woman. I think men, you have to be a little more careful with this. But women, you can do some of these things that create just a moment of connection through touch. Ask yourself at the end of the day, at any point on that date, did I actually touch the person?
Test number two, did you make at any point on the date, slow, seductive, eye contact?
Pace is a very important thing on a date. I’m not just talking about eye contact here. I’m talking about how slowly you speak at certain times, how slowly you move at certain times. When you think of someone confident and sexy, there’s a pace to that, that slows down. When I go beyond confident and I say seductive, it starts to get even more slow, doesn’t it?
Well, you can mimic that on a date in certain moments. The way you look at someone when you take a sip of your drink or when they take a sip of theirs, when someone is telling you a story passionately and you have that little moment, you ever have that moment where someone gets really passionate about something and you see that their eyes light up, you see that glint in them, and all of a sudden you get that little hit of, “Ooh, this person’s attractive.” In that moment, slow down, look at them a little more slowly. You can even look from their eyes to their mouth and back to their eyes. These things start to create that element of seduction. If you are constantly making points and moving around a lot and gesturing a lot and in that kind of jittery mode and everything you say is really fast sentences and so on, there’s no seduction to that pace. Slow it down. Did you slow it down?
Test number three, did you give him a desire-based compliment?
There’s platonic language and there’s desire language. There’s also a platonic tone and a desire tone, you can use either. Platonic language would be “That looks nice.” Desire language would be “That looks hot.” Platonic tone would be “You look good in that jacket.” Desire tone would be, “You look good in that jacket.” Subtle differences, but one of them says, we’re going to be friends, and the other one says, we’re not going to be friends.
Number four, did you hug them like you liked them?
There’s a big difference in hugging someone as if they’re a friend and the way we hug someone when we feel comfortable with them and we like them, we let it linger for just a half second longer. We almost become a bit more vulnerable. You ever hugged someone where it felt like just for a brief moment, they were sort of melting into you? Didn’t it feel amazing? Didn’t it make you feel connected to that person? Didn’t it make you feel more comfortable with that person? Didn’t it create the moment of electricity? Are you creating that with other people? Or are you leaning over and giving them your shoulder and the rest of your body retreats and it feels like they’re hugging a coat hanger? Allow that hug to be a little more vulnerable and to last just a little longer than you would if you were trying to get away.
Number five, did you give them a couple of opportunities to just observe you?
You know that moment where someone leaves the date or leaves the table and goes to the bathroom and it’s the one moment you’ve had to just watch them. You catch a different angle than you’ve had so far, you can look at them without worrying that they’re looking back at you looking at them, and you can just take them in. This is a moment where you get to showcase yourself. Walking a little sexy, having a little strut, having a nice little moment with your hair, looking at the menu. You’re deep in the menu so they can look at you. Or going to the restroom, or just being over here, checking something out, which allows them to check you out. People need moments where they can take you in without feeling like you are watching them.
Number six, did you tease them in a playful manner?
Playfully teasing someone could be that you think your order was better than his, and then you look at that person and you go, “I won. I have the best order.” Or it might be that they say that your food doesn’t look as good as theirs and you can go, “Ugh, rude.” Got like a little flirtatious vibe to it. Tension is often born out of a playful friction. Playful friction allows you both to step into a role play where you’re having a little thing, you’re at odds over something and that creates a spark. It could be that there’s a pool table over there and you go, “We can’t play pool. I can’t have us fighting on our first date.” That creates this little like mini-competition. Like, oh, it’s not so friendly anymore, there’s a frisson to it.
Number seven, did you make use of the post-date sexy, subtle, subtext text?
If you just send someone a message that says, “I had a really nice time tonight. I hope you didn’t have to wait too long for your Uber.” That’s a nice text, but it’s so literal. There’s no subtext whatsoever. But what if you just said this “Tonight was really fun…” And then maybe you throw in a little blushing emoji. Firstly, it’s not many words. I kind of like it for that reason. I’m not saying you have to send few words, but something about this message really works because it’s few words. It’s not overly thought out. The ellipsis is what says there’s things I’m not saying right now. And the word fun, that’s desire language that says we could have more fun together.
The emoji is both a signal of warmth at the end of this message, but there’s also a little suggestiveness to that too, right? It’s the ability to blush. It’s the ability to be made to feel something. There’s a vulnerability about that. It’s like you’re thinking about how fun the night was and maybe you’re even thinking about other things and you’re blushing as a result. This is a message that immediately when someone receives it after a date, they say, ooh, there’s something there. This person is attracted to me. This person didn’t just have a nice time. And the great irony is that when we feel someone is slightly attracted to us, even if it’s just in what they don’t say, not even what they do say, we are more likely to be attracted to them because we take our mind out of the friend zone and into the desire zone.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Fine, I’ll do those seven things. Then what?
Well I have the answer for you. I have a program. It’s called the Momentum Texts. In this program are 67 specific text messages that you can use to take it from a very early stage all the way to some serious investments so that your dating life doesn’t keep drifting into a state of limbo. It actually goes somewhere with someone. I don’t think we’ve ever released a more nuts and bolts practical program of things that you can literally just grab and send. It’s really good. It took us ages to make. It’ll take you seconds to use. How much were we offering this for before Jameson?
Seven, we adjusted the price, didn’t we?
What about inflation? Surely it should be about a thousand dollars by now. Have you seen gas?
We’re sticking to seven.
You can’t even get a pumpkin spice latte for that. I couldn’t even get a pumpkin spice latte for that. That’s mental. Check it out. I’ll see you over there. MomentumTexts.com,
Jameson. Just Photoshop that in somehow. You could probably do that in After Effects, can’t you? Yeah. Otherwise, it just looks like I’m humping the air.